Thursday, June 11th, 2009
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4:45 am - evil empire election
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Saturday, June 6th, 2009
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10:04 pm - spotification
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5:40 pm - ...and on a lighter note...
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4:57 pm - singalongaswingle
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Thursday, April 9th, 2009
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11:36 pm - my life as an empire spy as seen through the filter of my wakefulness
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SOME KIND OF SECRET AGENT!
had to flush out something
over the road.
down below my balcony vantage point
next to the river
i receive my insructions
i am dropped in at night. a very snowy, crispy night
made my way slowly through the broken cabin
dressed in black
like some evil milk tray man
flinching
as i crushed the occaisional patch of snow
i edge forward aiming my pretend gun.
(it weighs nothing)
although it does have laser targeting
which is twinkling with the steam from my breath.
i arrive at the main greenhouse
where the deadly research is going on.
the tobacco plants looked lovely in the bright moonlight
i looked through my sights as the researcher's wife and child escaped
out
through the back door.
i was relieved
i really didn't want to have to pretend shoot them.
with my weightless assault rifle.
my consciousness cuts to a remote control helicopter
viewing the scene as the wife and baby
make their escape in a speedboat across the river.
i make a few swoops just to let her know i'm buzzing her.
as i cross the road back to my room in the abrams building
i find that i am either a pixie or
the massive jugganauts thundering down the 20 lane avenue
are enormous.
the abrams building is a guggenhiemesque apartment block
the building next door is a marvelous towering organic pagodalike structure
i wonder what goes on in there?
in my bladerunner room i am told by the powers that be
that my mission has failed
i am told to strip.
i am berated by a jury of other naked failures
i feel at home.
i am struck by a bolt of lightning
i wake up.
0 shots fired.
1 criterion met
0 medals earned
current music: amon tobin - supermodified
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, March 28th, 2009
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2:50 am - i predict a riot (ous denoucniation of the ruling elite. word)
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the press are all f***ing over our trusty metropolitan police's grave predictions
of some kind of anarchist bloodbath at the G20.
where random bankers will be plucked from the suited masses,
and summarily executed to the baying of the crowd.
no. we are not idiots.
if you turn up in riot vans and riot gear and an bad attitude
what do you think will happen?
a matter of state i guess.
in our glorious democracy...
national service!
that's what i give 'em
a bit of discipline.
give a man a piece of land and he'll be grateful,
give a man a gun and a piece of land
and he'll be more than grateful.
so then, this dangerous protest you so dramatically predict.
bankers burning in the street,
death toll = 0
better things the police could be doing = lots
current music: ub40 - present arms (in dub)
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
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4:54 pm - more fabulous ukelele collection III
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2:42 pm - save your favourite videos
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2:25 pm - doh!
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serious student poster action from the npc.
marxism is having a little bit of a resurgence!
lovely pastel work btw.
now you need to consolidate.
current music: the hives - hate to tell i told you so
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, March 21st, 2009
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3:16 pm - dream #2374q?
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elephants have very big noses.
if you can imagine a chilled shark with the trunk of an elephant.
a bit like a whale shark but with more legs.
LIKE 4 MORE LEGS!
hoovering up the seabed, then that's what it is...
an elephark.
current music: cinematic orchestra - burntout
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
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9:12 am - greetings from...
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maybe surfjan should visit all the states of the united states and do an album about them:
greetings from arizona
greetings from georgia
greetings from maine
i'd like to hear that.
current music: peter, bjorn & john - nothing to worry about
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(comment on this)
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8:20 am - last weeks telly
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Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
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6:08 pm - old news
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5:46 pm - mobile phone charger museum
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http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2009/feb/17/universal-mobile-phone-charger
well hey! common sense triumphs over the bottom line!
a bit of a shame but...
now i can start my long overdue 'mobile phone charger museum':
nokia acp-12x
input: 100-240v
50-60 Hz, 150mA
output: 5.7v ~ 600mA
one of the classic chargers.
lightweight, black, ergonomic, 1.6m cord.
there's not much not to like about this little puppy.
putting out a cheeky 600mA.
oh and it's made in finland. awesome.
current music: boards of canada - music has the right to children
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, February 8th, 2009
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4:50 am - a nation united?
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Thursday, January 29th, 2009
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12:02 pm - hail to the chief
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i'm such a terribly cynical skepitcal old hack,
so when i found myself, like everyone else, shedding a wee tear
at bo's inaugaration, i immediately felt sarcastic.
but it seems that bo really can walk the walk.
americas long dark night of the soul seems to be over.
of course this is early headline stuff,
a standard public relations opener...
can he keep it up though?
god speed barak obama!
current music: joni mitchell - ladies of the canyon
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Friday, January 16th, 2009
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5:36 pm - serious bee problem
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4:00 pm - the death of a computer
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i'm writing this on my trusty 7 year old (that's 158 in computer years) desktop.
i have an admission to make:
i've just killed my computer.
it all started out so innocently,
'do you want to update your firewall?'
hell, why not? it's been a while.
then the internet stopped working.
after six days on tech support sussed it out:
don't just disable the firewall, uninstall it.
what had thrown me was, this computer was displaying exactly the same problem
and they both had different firewalls.
what are the fucking chances!
the techno pixies must've been working hard that day.
anyway it gets worse.
happy and relieved to have a web functioning computer again,
i connected.
and within minutes i realised just what a valuable job firewalls do.
POP UP CITY.
every page had some advert for a casino or a dating agency attached to it.
'i can't be doing with this' i thought
but now the free firewalls (zone alarm & comodo) both require win xp sp2
'fuck it, sp2 then' i thought with a hint of trepidation (i'd heard bad things about sp2)
and then it happened
the installation of sp2 crashed, bob3 rebooted,
and, after logging on i was instantly logged off.
safe mode: same
there's not much you can do if you can't even logon to windows.
it seems there may be solutions, but way beyond my tech level.
fortunately bob2 came to my rescue.
after 3 years in mothballs
a couple of changes and he's working fine (touch wood)
so poor old bob3 is destined for spare parts.
i hope & trust i will be able to slave his hard disc and recover my files.
there is a lot of music on there...
(data recovery is so expensive)
and he has a nice sound card. so he won't truely die.
and the moral of the story is.
sp2: just don't do it.
my next computer is going to be female.
i'm going to call her viv.
and i'm going to be very careful about security.
current music: def tex - what the?
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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12:08 am - gimme some sugar
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me and phil 'went for a coffee' and
i said,
'mine's a full fat, as big as you can make it, decaff latte monster please...'
and i got this little gem with it:
do you want a shot of sarcasm with that sir?
current music: deus - vantage point
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Thursday, January 8th, 2009
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3:23 am - we should nuke it from space, just to be sure...
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dear israel,
you know i love you like a brother, but i have to say
i think you're making a tragic mistake.
you say your war will create peace.
but i haven't seen any of that.
and i have a serious differences
with your military strategists:
you can't bomb an ideal into submission,
and the more you try the longer you prolong the dispute.
if i was a 24 year old gazan medical professional.
no hamas fan.
how would i see it?
how would my friends see it?
STATE TERRORISM, perhaps.
oh, btw. if you want to stop random rockets,
block the tunnels.
it's not rocket science. (no pun intended)
love from
recrea.
(AS BANNED BY BOTH THE LIBERAL COMMUNITY AND THE REPUBLICAN COMMUNITY!)
'What the fuck is this shit?' - liberal moderator
current music: supergrass - diamond hoo ha
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, December 11th, 2008
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6:20 am - rapture
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'...nobody likes a slowpoke mr.b...'
hmmnn. really really cool.
this game is now my favourite shooter ever.
howard hughes meets system shock 2 meets bladerunner meets alice in wonderland.
nice.
'...how much is that doggie in the..
doggie in the...
doggie in the...
doggie in the...'
'...i'm ready for dreamtime mr.b...'
current music: how much is that doggie in the window?
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008
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10:42 pm - bang bang bang bang bang bang, you're dead
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quel surprise. the coroner has directed the jury
in the de menezes inquest.
they can now find one of two verdicts:
open or lawful killing.
if i was on that jury
i'd be hopping mad.
'you bring us here for six months,
let us listen to all the evidence,
and then tell us to exonerate the police or fuck off.
what's the point?'
i suppose if no-one gets sacked,
maybe they'll have learned
when next they have to apprehend a 'terrorist'
current music: carla bruni - at last the secret is out
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(comment on this)
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10:38 pm - giant panda casserole
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fable 2 is top of the game charts in america
but it doesn't even make the top ten here.
hmmmmn...
i started life as lara croft,
and now i'm a chunky comedian lesbian monk sharpshooter.
with a dog called brian.
current music: aimee mann - to make a killing
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, November 27th, 2008
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3:52 pm - a very big bang
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werner von braun saw the end pretty clear
unlike poor old robert j, who had the misfortune
of understanding the destruction of his work:
5,4,3,2,1
look away now...
a thousand flashes like the sun
ten thousand billowing spires of cloud
lovely as orchids slowly piercing the stratosphere
a million pigs,
rendered, from some poor pink squealing mammal
to carbon shadow in an instant...
success!
blinded, his disordinary mind was tuned to
the perfectly insane pragmatism
of mutually assured destruction.
and now we load up the collider
to see the universe in minature.
it was a very big bang.
wasn't it?
current music: goldfrapp - happiness
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(comment on this)
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2:23 pm - tony benn's world o' inventions
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Friday, November 14th, 2008
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3:41 am - surface air recycler
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12:22 am - teenagers
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CAUTION
teenagers do operate
in the area
keep belongings close
and avoid eye contact.
swag
current music: the primitives - crash
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(comment on this)
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12:07 am - hello baby pebby
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please welcome to planet earth:
peggy.
she has the toes of a lemur...
current music: hot chip - over and over
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
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11:37 am - phew! i was wrong
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i was born in the year martin luther king was killed
men landed on the moon
the berlin wall came down
9/11 happened
and i think today is possibly a moment in history equally pivotal.
after 9/11 america had the goodwill of the world
which george bush managed to piss very rapidly up the wall.
7 years later and america has that goodwill again
i believe barak obama is not going to make the same mistake.
current music: the lemonheads - mrs robinson
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, September 29th, 2008
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10:33 pm - it's the economy stupid
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what's a trillion dollars?
between friends.
the emperors new chickens
have come home to roost.
and the confidence trick,
the house of cards,
looks decidedly shakey.
we have learnt new terms
like toxic debt, shorting,
and golden parachutes.
...injecting confidence...
...going down like lead balloons...
if my parachute
was made of gold
i'd be worried too.
i understand
there is a computer model
that uses chaos theory to predict
the rise and fall in the market.
the speculation says:
it may flip.
everyone is an economist nowadays...
current music: jarvis cocker - cunts are still running the world
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, September 6th, 2008
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8:01 pm - john mc cain photoessays
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7:48 pm - barack obama photoessays
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Friday, September 5th, 2008
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5:17 pm - beyond the onion
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