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8 or so bees in my bonnet

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one almighty bodycount [Feb. 7th, 2007|06:27 am]
8 or so bees in my bonnet
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[music |soul of man - between the eyes]

How many people did God kill in the Bible? It's impossible to say for sure, but plenty.
How many did God drown in the flood or burn to death in Sodom and Gomorrah?
How many first-born Egyptians did he kill?
There's just no way to count them all. This list doesn't include those figures.
SAB, Brick Testament Number Killed Cumulative Total
Lot's wife for looking back Gen.19:26, BT 1 1
Er who was "wicked in the sight of the Lord" Gen.38:7, BT 1 2
Onan for spilling his seed Gen.38:10,BT 1 3
For dancing naked around Aaron's golden calf Ex.32:27-28, 35, BT 3000 3003
Aaron's sons for offering strange fire before the Lord Lev.10:1-3,

Num.3:4, 26:61, BT
2 3005
A blasphemer Lev.24:10-23, BT 1 3006
A man who picked up sticks on the Sabbath Num.15:32-36, BT 1 3007
Korah, Dathan, and Abiram (and their families) Num.16:27, BT 12+ 3019+
Burned to death for offering incense Num.16:35,

26:10, BT
250 3269+
For complaining Num.16:49, BT 14,700 17,969+
For "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab" Num.25:9, BT 24,000 41,969+
Midianite massacre (32,000 virgins were kept alive) Num.31:1-35, BT 90,000+ 131,969+
God tells Joshua to stoned to death Achan (and his family) for taking the accursed thing. Joshua 7:10-12, 24-26, BT 5+ 131,974+
God tells Joshua to attack Ai and do what he did to Jericho (kill everyone). Joshua 8:1-25, BT 12,000 143,974+
God delivered Canaanites and Perizzites Judges 1:4, BT 10,000 153,974+
Ehud delivers a message from God: a knife into the king's belly Jg.3:15-22, BT 1 153,975+
God delivered Moabites Jg.3:28-29, BT 10,000 163,975+
God forces Midianite soldiers to kill each other. Jg.7:2-22, 8:10, BT 120,000 283,975+
The Spirit of the Lord comes on Samson Jg.14:19, BT 30 284,005+
The Spirit of the Lord comes mightily on Samson Jg.15:14-15, BT 1000 285,005+
Samson's God-assisted act of terrorism Jg.16:27-30, BT 3000 288,005+
"The Lord smote Benjamin" Jg.20:35-37, BT 25,100 313,105+
More Benjamites Jg.20:44-46 25,000 338,105+
For looking into the ark of the Lord 1 Sam.6:19 50,070 388,175+
God delivered Philistines 1 Sam.14:12 20 388,195+
Samuel (at God's command) hacks Agag to death 1 Sam.15:32-33 1 388,196+
"The Lord smote Nabal." 1 Sam.25:38 1 388,197+
Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling 2 Sam.6:6-7, 1 Chr.13:9-10 1 388,198+
David and Bathsheba's baby boy 2 Sam.12:14-18 1 388,199+
Seven sons of Saul hung up before the Lord 2 Sam.21:6-9 7 388,206+
From plague as punishment for David's census (men only; probably 200,000 if including women and children) 2 Sam.24:13, 1 Chr.21:7 70,000+ 458,206+
A prophet for believing another prophet's lie 1 Kg.13:1-24 1 458,207+
God delivers the Syrians into the Israelites' hands 1 Kg.20:28-29 100,000 558,207+
God makes a wall fall on Syrian soldiers 1 Kg.20:30 27,000 585,207+
God sent a lion to eat a man for not killing a prophet 1 Kg.20:35-36 1 585,208+
Ahaziah is killed for talking to the wrong god. 2 Kg.1:2-4, 17, 2 Chr.22:7-9 1 585,209+
Burned to death by God 2 Kg.1:9-12 102 585,311+
God sends two bears to kill children for making fun of Elisha's bald head 2 Kg.2:23-24 42 585,343+
Trampled to death for disbelieving Elijah 2 Kg.7:17-20 1 585,344+
2 Kg.9:33-37
1 585,355+
God sent lions to kill "some" foreigners 2 Kg.17:25-26 3+ 585,358+
Sleeping Assyrian soldiers
2 Kg.19:35, 2 Chr.32:21, Is.37:36
185,000 770,358+
Saul 1 Chr.10:14 1 770,359+
God delivers Israel into the hands of Judah 2 Chr.13:15-17 500,000 1,270,359+
Jeroboam 2 Chr.13:20
1 1,270,360+
"The Lord smote the Ethiopians." 2 Chr.14:9-14 1,000,000 2,270,360+
God kills Jehoram by making his bowels fall out 2 Chr.21:14-19 1 2,270,361+
Ezekiel's wife Ezek.24:15-18 1 2,270,362+
Ananias and Sapphira Acts 5:1-10 2 2,270,364+
Herod Acts 12:23, BT 1 2,270,365+
Armageddon Revelations 22:13 6,000,000,000? 6,002,270,365+?

mostly totally ganked from fallingangels userinfo

[User Picture]From: fr0w
2007-02-07 01:27 pm (UTC)
god was framed
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: recrea33
2007-02-07 01:37 pm (UTC)
the devil's best trick?
quite possibly.

moral: take the bible with a pinch of salt
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: fr0w
2007-02-07 01:38 pm (UTC)
hahah.. to say the least.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: quickly_9
2007-02-07 11:57 pm (UTC)
Maybe he was just trying to thin the herd. I think he fucked up a bit though, didn't thin enough of the right ones.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: socialism_works
2007-02-08 02:24 am (UTC)
This was good for a laugh with my friends.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: adamsmasher
2007-02-08 06:41 am (UTC)
Sounds like God wins in the competition for worst mass murderer.

Best of all though, is that their are countless monuments and places of worship built in his name. People would look at it differently if it was the "Church of Hitler."
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: adamsmasher
2007-02-08 06:42 am (UTC)
I just noticed this one:

"God kills Jehoram by making his bowels fall out"

What did he say when that happened, "Oh crap!"? Pun intended of course.
(Reply) (Thread)
From: mrshannibal
2007-02-16 09:19 pm (UTC)
he had a shitty day?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: recrea33
2007-02-18 12:03 am (UTC)

bad day in heaven

'he had it coming'
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: mrshannibal
2007-02-18 05:45 am (UTC)

Re: bad day in heaven

and then god said:

"that's crap"
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)